Over the last few years, I’ve had the privilege of working with several CEOs during some of the most transformative periods of their careers. From first-time CEOs to those leading organizations through major transactions, turning struggling companies around, scaling startups into unicorns, and stepping into leadership roles after replacing a founder-CEO—the transitions are immense. But one thing I continue to marvel at is their ability to hold tension. To me, these leaders are like giant containers. They carry so much on their shoulders, balancing responsibilities across multiple spheres of their lives. And often, they do so with remarkable resilience and poise.
These leaders hold energy—energy of passion, resilience, perseverance, and love. It’s the energy that fuels their daily decisions, the direction they set for their teams, and the inspiration they bring to their organizations. A CEO’s container is filled with care for people, passion for impact, enthusiasm for creating a better future, accountability for getting things done, the role of translating an invisible North Star, and holding immense tension from their board, investors, leadership teams, economic shifts, and personal roles like being fathers, mothers, sons, and daughters. What these leaders hold within them is nothing short of extraordinary. But while they are often incredible givers of energy—providing praise, making decisions, offering direction, and guiding others—they often struggle to receive the same energy in return. This is where the paradox lies for many leaders.
1. Begin Your Day by Writing Two Affirming Sentences to Yourself
The truth is, being a great giver doesn’t necessarily make you a great receiver. Many CEOs, despite their leadership prowess, struggle to fill their own cup. They give and give—whether it’s to their teams, boards, or families—but rarely do they take the time to refill their own energy reserves. As a result, their container begins to run on empty. They begin to hope that someone will offer them the energy they need to carry on. But often, the reality is starkly different. It’s lonely at the top. When CEOs reach the highest echelons of leadership, there are fewer places for them to turn for support.
It can feel like the energy they give out doesn’t always come back in the same way. The people they lead might not be in a position to offer the same level of guidance, recognition, or emotional replenishment. This struggle is not unique to CEOs. In fact, Harvard Business Review notes that many managers feel overwhelmed by the pressures of leadership and emphasize how crucial it is for leaders to prioritize their own well-being to avoid burnout. This is where my role as a coach comes in. I help leaders stop outsourcing their power by expecting others to fill their cups. Through a simple yet powerful exercise, I guide them to become the source of their own energy.
2. These Sentences Should Reflect What You Wish a Significant Person in Your Life Would Say
Every morning before you start your day, write two sentences to yourself in a loving, supportive voice. These can be words you wish your father, mother, board, or any other authority figure would say to you. What do you wish someone would say to you today in a loving and caring manner? Think of it as self-validation and encouragement to start the day. This exercise may feel unusual at first, but it’s an important step in self-care for leaders. Many of the CEOs I coach have found that these words can become a source of profound strength and reassurance throughout the day.
Think back to moments when you needed support or encouragement. Write the sentences as if you were hearing them from the most impactful figures in your life. Perhaps you wish someone would acknowledge your hard work, recognize your leadership, or simply say they believe in you. Whatever these words are, make them true to your needs and feelings. By consistently engaging in this exercise, you are developing a practice of self-compassion and self-validation.
3. Make This a Daily Habit
Do this consistently every day. Build the habit of filling your own cup with positive, supportive words that come from within. The key is to make it a routine, just like brushing your teeth or having your morning coffee. By incorporating this practice into your daily regimen, you ensure that you are constantly replenishing your emotional reserves. This small yet meaningful ritual can have a significant impact on your overall well-being and leadership effectiveness.
Over time, you may start to notice subtle changes in how you respond to challenges and interact with your team. Leaders who practice self-compassion are often more empathetic, patient, and resilient. They are better equipped to handle the ups and downs of leadership because they have a strong foundation of self-support. Making this exercise a daily habit reinforces the importance of self-care and creates a consistent source of inner strength.
4. Practice This Exercise Both When You Feel Good and Especially When You Feel Down
Leadership is full of ups and downs, but regardless of where you are, it’s important to nurture yourself. This practice is not just for the tough days. Do this when you are feeling good, but especially when you are feeling low. On days when you feel strong and confident, these affirmations serve as a reinforcement of your positive state. On days when you feel drained or overwhelmed, they act as a vital source of encouragement and support.
By acknowledging your feelings and giving yourself the validation you need, you create a habit of self-awareness and emotional regulation. This helps you stay grounded and focused, even in the face of adversity. Leaders who practice self-compassion are also better at recognizing the needs of their team and creating a supportive work environment. Your ability to empathize and connect with others starts with how you treat yourself.
5. Sit With These Affirmations, Allowing Their Impact to Resonate
In recent years, I’ve had the honor of working alongside several CEOs during transformative periods in their careers. From first-time leaders to those navigating major deals, turning failing companies around, growing startups into unicorns, and stepping into roles after founders, the transitions they face are vast. What truly amazes me is their capacity to handle tension effectively. These leaders are like giant vessels, carrying immense responsibilities across various aspects of their lives, often with resilience and grace.
These CEOs are reservoirs of energy—passion, resilience, perseverance, and love. This energy drives their daily decisions, guides their teams, and inspires their organizations. A CEO’s “container” is packed with care for people, passion for impact, enthusiasm for the future, accountability, and the ability to translate an invisible vision. They also bear significant tension from their board, investors, leadership teams, economic trends, and personal roles as parents or children. What’s extraordinary is their ability to give energy—through praise, decision-making, direction, and guidance—yet they often struggle to receive the same support in return. Herein lies a significant paradox for many leaders.